SATIRE: 5 Things Women Need To Do In Their 20′s (Or Else The Suffragists Died For Nothing). The author elsewhere says it’s satirical. That should be obvious, right?
Evidently not. Even the editors seem to have thought that it was real, only adding later the note at the bottom that begins “Laughed at this article?” as well as the “humor” and “satire” tags. Even the “related” links dispersed throughout have been changed to make the satirical nature of the article more obvious.
One commenter writes, “It took me until the middle of the third part to realize this was a satire.”
Here are some passages that appear well before this point in the article:
The patriarchy is still an omnipresent overlord, endorsing cultural structures that keep women from realizing their full potential and contribute to a harrowing loss of self-esteem . . .
Sexual liberation has done so much for women everywhere, and while our government still refuses to provide us with what we are more than entitled to (free abortions and free birth control) we still have lots of opportunities to have casual hookup fun and flirty, bubbly flings without being burned at the stake by judgmental cisgendered old men with white beards.
Your twenties are all about you. It’s a time for discovering yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses, but most of all it is to do what feels right in the moment, have fun. . . .
Go to concerts and get backstage afterwards with the cute long haired members of that band you like. Take those cute little yellow and pink pills they give you and hoover that table clean of white powder, then have some fun with their instruments, (both kinds). Sure, drugs can be dangerous, but only if you get addicted and that’s unlikely to happen–we’re strong independent women, it shouldn’t be so hard to not be dependent on drugs. And if we became addicted, so what? That’s just another adventure, and to anyone who disagrees, that’s just junkie-shaming. Just live in the moment and give everything a try or two, apart from maybe Meth and Heroin, you don’t want to shatter those dreams of becoming a model. Party on girls. You deserve it. . . .
3. Major in women’s studies
This one is a no-brainer. If you don’t agree you’re probably an ignorant, sexist, transphobic, slut-shaming mysogynist cis white male and possibly a rapist.
Another commenter writes, “Even for satire this article is pretty ridiculous. Btw is the movement for free abortions actually a thing?”
Yes, it actually is a thing: Jessica Valenti: Free Abortions on Demand Without Apology.
One commenter doesn’t catch on, writing, “I don’t think this is satire. It mixes up too much problematic advice with actually valid advice to be completely joking. I think it is a good try. And I think it is a good try by someone in their 20s. Please, please, though – getting/letting guys (to) buy you drinks is not empowering. Feminism can be about being carefree but not so reckless that you don’t treat people (including men) like human beings. Do it dutch, I say.”
So, the bit of advice that needs to be spoken against is not paying for drinks? Really? One hopes such comments are as satirical as the article itself.